Something new indeed!
So this week I have been delighted to get a call from my ArtsFestFirst friend and have the first meeting for her show. I shan’t say much more concerning the project itself however because we have only just begun and confidentiality issues etc.
I’m excited! I’m really excited. Since leaving uni and getting so many knock backs in the beginning and loosing my confidence, I feel alive again. It sounds soooo cliche doesn’t it? But its true. I was never cut out for a normal job. When I say normal, I mean the 9-5 and rota-based, and I don’t use the term to diminish these roles. They are neccessary and integral to our society. But, they take a certain kind of stomache to be able to injest the package.
I am a creative soul. Always have been. I’m the type that is awake at night time because my mind won’t let me sleep with ideas and fantasicalities. I’m the type that comes in early and leaves last for any project/cause I believe in. I do research, I get excited about the poitential. I work in any weather (and living in the UK be assured, I have!) And I travel to the strangest corners if my heart is in it. I am sure most people would say that they are the same and perhaps they are, but this part if my essence means I am effected emotionally if I am not able to fulfill the things that I love. I am not happy in my day job and my creative senses are tingling something rotten for my return to theatre. I am emotionally attached to the work that I do and it effects my actions too. This may be my biggest weakness but it is also my strength. So if I am to take advantage of that strength, I want to work where I can allow my fire to burn and indeed, add more fuel.
When I did work experience at school for two weeks at the Brasshouse Language Centre in Birmingham, I had my first taste of a normal job and by gum I knew then I was moulded differently. I have never lost my voice in my life. Even when I get a cold my throat is hoarse and the only result is my already deep voice gets deeper. Everyday from 9am to 4pm I lost my voice. Maybe it was earlier, maybe a bit later pending on my punctuality or the exact second when I would leave the building to go home. Monday to Friday on both weeks I lost my voice. It came out as hoarse whisper and even when I pushed to get some sound out it was barely audible. I wasn’t ill, infact on the odd lunchtime when I met my best mate my voice was fine! Even she gave me the I-believe-you-kinda-but-I-don’t-really-believe-you look when I explained my plight to her. But everyday my mentor, Anke, a German teacher there, baffled with other teachers over my mysterious voice loss. In fact, now I think on it, she hesitantly suggested perhaps I was not suited for a normal job in the first place. And you know, it wasn’t till I told this story to my new colleague that I myself realised that it wasn’t confined to the Brasshouse but all jobs that have a fixed (and rather reptitive, I find) schedule. I know this now.
So now the meager embers have been blessed with more fuel and I am more than ready to make this fire roar.
So I’m going to Jamaica next week and even though I was beginning to think it was coming at the wrong time due to the job offers for stage I have been getting via stage jobs pro recently. But the beauty of this new opportunity is that I can get some vital research done over there so instantly I am useful on this project.
I’m very much connected to the themes of this project also. I can relate to it personally and understand what the thought tank that is my Directorm I won’t keep on about the project as the information I can give is limited and I know the frustration in having things dangled in the forefront of your attention. I just want you to feel my joy, even if I can only give a portion. The long and short is, I’m on fire!
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